Warning: the entire contents of this entry is a weird dream that I had. Probably just skip it and go to entry #7.
Had unsettling dream last night. My mother was trying to fix something that I had broken, but she was so obsessed with repairing it that she cut out of chunk of her own skull to fill in the hole. After that seemed to work, she kept slicing off pieces of her cranium like a melon. I watched in horror, trying to talk her out of it, but the more skull pieces she took off, the angrier with me she got. My heart sank into my stomach when I saw a layer of brown brain matter clinging to the inside of one of the slices. Mom was maniacal now, shouting at me nonsensically and going for her frontal lobe with the knife. I begged her not to cut from there, but she insisted that she needed one more piece. I held me breath as she pried out a chunk, which had more brain matter coating it. I was waiting for her to collapse after having finally gone too far. Instead she just fit the piece of her frontal skull bone into the last missing sliver of whatever it was that I had broken. Turning back to me, her anger was irrational and uncontrollable now that her brain had suffered self-inflicted damage. I ran away from her because I couldn't take her unfiltered fury. Even though I knew she was compromised, my feelings continued to take hits until I was crying. I had a horrible feeling that this is what she would be like from now on.
Act II of my disturbing dream: I'm in a fucked-up relationship with this older woman who adopted my foster-kitten, Ruby. We were involved in this twisted love affair - I couldn't tell anyone and she was taking advantage. She had started taking Ruby to a new veterinarian who had over-prescribed pain medication and now Ruby was addicted to it. As she became increasingly obsessed with me, I became Connor - he had been the object of her affection all along. She finally trapped him in a small room with her and stabbed him in the gut - only she accidentally used a magical knife and it caused him to crumble into pieces like a statue. She had meant to injure him just enough to immobilize him so that he would be forced to stay with her. Her disappointment and my heartbreak melted into one awful feeling of loss and loneliness. I remember watching his naked body fall apart, wishing I could hold him but he was crumbling too fast.
Act III: I was lying in my room here at ENP in the middle of the night and heard two familiar voices calling out in the street outside, asking if anyone had O-positive or A-positive blood. (I think they meant O-negative, the universal donor.) I called out from the dark asking what they needed blood for. They said it was for a friend who was in surgery. I knew I shouldn't trust them, but I heard myself call back, "I'm A-positive." (which I am) The next thing I saw was a figure walking towards me through the darkness and I finally remembered whose voice I had been hearing - it was Darryl from "The Office," and the other voice was Dwight, and I began regretting my decision when he brandished a needle and syringe, stuck it in my arm, pushed the plunger, and I fell, unconscious. When I came to, I was sitting in an operating room and my supervisor from work, Brenda, was unconscious on the operating table. I looked down to see a catheter in my arm and realized that Dwight and Darryl had been telling the truth, and that the notoriously ruthless Brenda would now owe me a huge favor for saving her life. As I sat there giving Brenda my blood, I daydreamed about the fact that Brenda would have my blood running through her veins, and if she cut herself at work and started bleeding, it would be my blood that came out. I finished and left.
Later that day, my brother and I were heading to school when we hit a roadblock. (a. I don't know when I went back to the U.S. - maybe Darryl and Dwight brought me back, b. my brother and I haven't gone to school together since we were both in high school) The road was blocked with traffic barrels, and police were standing around, talking into their walkie-talkies. Joe and I ran up to the barriers - in the distance we could see the smoking ruins of our school. I shouted and pushed past the barriers - everyone but Joe and I had been in that school building. We had just happened to have something else going on and had missed several hours of school. A young boy appeared along the road. He had brown hair and glasses and prominent front teeth. As he began talking to me in a noticeably erratic voice, I realized that he was the bomber who had blown up the school. He told me that this was my payback for saving Brenda's life - my brother and I alone would be spared when he blew up the school. Then he disappeared into the ground, leaving both of us speechless.
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